Operation Hot Mother. It seems like only yesterday you were bursting forth from your mother's fertile womb.

She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Wisdom? It's probably wisdom. Michael, look, this has got to stop. I mean, flattered? Yes. Interested? Not tonight. I'm not interested in you that way. Tobias: What way? Michael: Pick one. Great, now I'm gonna smell to high heaven like a tuna melt! I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest? Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell at a restaurant called Skip Church's Bistro. In addition to brunch, the restaurant was known for an item on the menu called the "Skip's Scramble", an omelet that contained everything on the menu. Do not order the Skip's Scramble. Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse.

The only person that gets Lucille this excited is Gene. So maybe you could start jete-ing, and stop je-terrorizing me!

A million [bleep]ing diamonds! It feels good to be back in a queen!

You were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd. Even it means me taking a chubby… I will suck it up. When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually… When a man loves a woman… Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. Well, obviously, I'm not a big guy. I'm not a Carl Weathers, par example.

Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. Go ahead, touch the Cornballer. There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook. She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Wisdom? It's probably wisdom. It's sort of like going from prime rib to… I don't know… weird brother of prime rib. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh.

A million ****ing diamonds! I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture. That's my son, you pothead! I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think. Pound is tic-tac-toe right? I'm in Vegas this week and would like to point out the Blue Man Group is *actually* hiring. The support group? Shémale.

I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. If you don't start pulling your weight around here its going to be shape up, or…ship up. If mother sees this, she will blow a cow.

You're Killing Me, Buster. This is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken! Let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar. Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the T on it? That's a cross. Across from where?

If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. [earlier] I don't care for Gob. Whenever she'd change clothes, she'd make me wait on the balcony until zip-up, and yet anything goes at bath time.