Could it be love? I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite… like my heart is getting hard. Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold right here on this boardwalk than anywhere in the OC? O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Look, you are playing adults…with fully formed libidos, not 2 young men playing grab-ass in the shower. Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold right here on this boardwalk than anywhere on the OC? When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman..

But I did finally get into Dad's pants. Although I had to have the crotch taken in a little bit. Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. I am getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect. If that man's straight, then I am sober. Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita made in my mouth. I'm not a prostitute. Michael: Then I shall let you live!

And THAT'S why you always leave a note. I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings?

She calls it a mayonegg. The CIA should've just Googled for his hideout, evidently. Perhaps an attic shall I seek. [sniffs hand] Oh, God. I'm going to run this through again on "pots and pans." Don't call my escorts whores. Do you have any idea how often you say the word afraid? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. I'm sure, wherever your father is, she loves you very much. You're a good guy, mon frere. That means brother in French. I don't know how I know that. I took four years of Spanish.

Sweet old thing. Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. Say goodbye to THESE!

Perhaps an attic shall I seek. Don't call my escorts whores. I know what an erection feels like, Michael. These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. No, she's in it. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. This show was cancelled. I mean, COME ON. After all, why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed?

Butterscotch! Want a lick? This is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken!

You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably, my socks are wet. What a fun, sexy time for you. You were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd. ¡Soy loco por los Cornballs! Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call… Hey campers!

She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. I call it Tricks –- wait for it – Around The Office. Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. Waiting for the Emmys. BTW did you know won 6 Emmys and was still canceled early by Fox? COME ON. Taste the happy, Michael! Taste it! I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard.

I've been in the film business for a while but I just can't seem to get one in the can. She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Wisdom? It's probably wisdom. A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you. Oh…yeah…the guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! You just made a fool out of yourself in front of T-Bone. Well, Michael, I did not find their buffoonery amusing. Oh, yeah, the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in 3 months. Come on!