I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar. I don't want no part of yo' tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch! First I blow him, then I poke him. Say goodbye to THESE! Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster. I know what an erection feels like, Michael. Yeah, like I'm going to spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit? Come on!

They don't allow you to have bees in here. Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Fried cheese… with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp… with club sauce. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce. I see you've wasted no time in filling my seat hole.

Can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? He's going to be all right. But I didn't take wasn't optimistic it could be done for an answer.

I think that's one of Mom's little fibs, you know, like I'll sacrifice anything for my children. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest? I'll never forget your wedding. The guy runs a prison, he can have any piece of ass he wants. So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary and we don't need anymore lawsuits. Talk you off what, Pop Pop? I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a… she's the belle of the ball! For the same reason you should believe a hundred dollar bill is no more than a hundred pennies!

Ah, it is a rock, though. Should beat everything. Gob: There's not a lot of logic to it. Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. Oh…yeah…the guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. Wow, this is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken! ps This one really cracks me up for some reason. I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive!

She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. Sure, let the little fruit do it. HUZZAH! It was for me. I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette. I'll be in the hospital bar. You know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother. Well, this is why people hate hospitals. Oh please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.

Te quiero. English, please. I love you! Great, now I'm late. I will be a bigger and hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh!

I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit?

Please refrain from Mayoneggs during this salmonella scare. Yes, he's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest? Mission Accomplished. Yeah, well, have you seen the new Mustang? You could hump that hood. Either I zip down, or he zips up, and that is a mighty long zipper on Mother's Cher jumpsuit. Probably out there without a flipper, swimming around in a circle, freaking out his whole family.

A million [bleep]ing diamonds! That was Tom Cruise, the actor. They said he was some kind of scientist.