The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag. She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. Michael, look, this has got to stop. I mean, flattered? Yes. Interested? Not tonight. ♪♪ It ain't easy being white. It ain't easy being brown. ♪♪

He… she… what's the difference? Oh hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same. My brother wasn't optimistic it could be done, but I didn't take "wasn't optimistic it could be done" for an answer. Well excuse me for liking the way they frame my junk! Let me take off my assistant's skirt and put on my Barbra-Streisand-in-The-Prince-of-Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? That's my son, you pothead! She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. It's one banana Michael, what could it cost, ten dollars?

I am getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect. Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. With spicy club sauce. You need to do more with Rita. Believe me, I'd like to. She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB. Tobias Fünke costume.

That coat costs more than your house! Although George Michael had only got to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. Yeah, I invited her. You said you wanted to spend time some with her. You said I was being an Ann hog. No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough.

Friday night. I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle.

A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you. No, I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are! She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. You're a good guy, mon frere. That means brother in French. I don't know how I know that. I took four years of Spanish. She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Wisdom? It's probably wisdom. It's so watery. And yet there's a smack of ham to it. And here you are coming out of your mother's third base!

It's, like, Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool? Yeah, I don't have a husband. I call it Swing City. Turns out he ended up getting too friendly with the teddy bear. Great, now I'm gonna smell to high heaven like a tuna melt!

Oh please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends. Buster's in what we like to call a light to no coma. In layman's terms, it might be considered a very heavy nap.

Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free. Really? Did "nothing" cancel? Oh Gob, you could charm the black off a telegram boy. God knows they're squinters. I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it. You'd do that to your own brother? I said "cot." Can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? There are dozens of us! Dozens! Fried cheese… with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp… with club sauce. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce.

You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol. Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster. Go ahead, touch the cornballer. Daddy horny, Michael. It looks like you've been looking for dragons… in the future. What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something? Absolutely. And we're going to be here every day. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. For there's a man inside me, and only when he's finally out, can I walk free of pain.