It's so watery. And yet there's a smack of ham to it. Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth. That's my son, you pothead! And I am rock steady. No more dizzies. Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse. Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. No. I was ashamed to be _seen_ with you. I like being with you. This is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken!

Friday night. Those are balls. Annhog's coming? Look, you are playing adults…with fully formed libidos, not 2 young men playing grab-ass in the shower.

What do you think about Sudden Valley? It sounds like a salad dressing, but for some reason I don't want to eat it. Buster, what are you doing with mother's rape horn?

I hear the jury's still out on science. Got a big ass room at the travelodge. What a fun, sexy time for you. Turns out he ended up getting too friendly with the teddy bear. That was Tom Cruise, the actor. They said he was some kind of scientist. Suddenly he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair. When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. You burn down the storage unit? Oh, most definitely. If that man's straight, then I am sober.

I am having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich. You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably, my socks are wet.

Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. Michael: It's just Mom and whores. Could it be love? I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? Waiting for the Emmys. BTW did you know won 6 Emmys and was still canceled early by Fox? COME ON.

Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. Oh, COME ON! Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul.

Hey, Dad. Look at you. You're a year older…and a year closer to death. Buster: Oh yeah, I guess that's kind of funny. And don't make the water too hot. The scabs come right off. Make love in your *own* hand, Mother! Look at us, crying like a bunch of girls on the last day of camp. I got Michael out of his marriage, didn't I? Actually, she died. Don't call my escorts whores.

Oh by the way, Doctor said no kissing her on the face for one week. I was like make it two weeks, see if I care! Oh…yeah…the guy in the…the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! Sure, let the little fruit do it. HUZZAH! Someone order 140 pounds of upper body strength? I deceived you, mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship. Yes, he's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz.

Daddy horny, Michael. This is not what it looks like. It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.