No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough. The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Or it could be your colon. I'd want to get in there and find some answers. What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'm a monster!!

I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run..so now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Go ahead, touch the Cornballer. Teamocil. I should be in this Poof.

That coat costs more than your house! How do you know Steve Holt? Are you in AA? You go buy a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. I think you'll be surprised at some of your phrasing. Quicken! Premiere! No borders, no limits… go ahead, touch the Cornballer… you know best?

Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON.

Waiting for the Emmys. BTW did you know won 6 Emmys and was still canceled early by Fox? COME ON. Heyyyyyy, Uncle Father Oscar. We'll have to find something to do so that people can look at you without wanting to kill themselves. That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut. Butterscotch! Want a lick? I cheated and I lied and I whored around.

Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. COME ON. Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending time with what's left of your uncle. What have we always said is the most important thing? Are you aware of this? Coming soon. Indeed. You just made a fool out of yourself in front of T-Bone.

Oh, yeah. The guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. COME ON! Never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup…baby, I got a stew goin'.

Can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? Douche chill! Got a big ass room at the travelodge. What a fun, sexy time for you. I will be a bigger and hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh! Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. I don't want no part of yo tight-ass country-club, ya freak bitch! Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?

George Bush doesn't care about black puppets. Speaking of settling, how's Ann? Yo quiero leche. Yo quiero leche de madre. She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Columbian or something.

Oh Gob, you could charm the black off a telegram boy. How about a turtle? I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. What's gotten into you? Have you been eating cheese? Hahahahah! Yo quiero leche. Yo quiero leche de madre.