I think the only time you cooked for us was the morning Rosa's mom died. You gave us cereal in an ashtray. I see you've wasted no time in filling my seat hole. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?

I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think. Annhog's coming? A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you.

Taste the happy, Michael. Taste it. It tastes kind of like sad. No, I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Perhaps an attic shall I seek. It's a wonderful restaurant! Why are you squeezing me with your body?

I've made a huge tiny mistake. Sure, let the little fruit do it. HUZZAH! I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. We all need to pick a day to try and make trend. I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture.

I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide. Happy. Taste the happy, Michael. Taste it. It tastes kind of like sad.

Mom always taught us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted. I'll be in the hospital bar. You know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother. Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

Oh Gob, you could charm the black off a telegram boy. I'm going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen.

She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead.

How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? And I wouldn't just lie there, if that's what you're thinking. That's not what I WAS thinking. Please refrain from Mayoneggs during this salmonella scare. Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not - NOT wag our genitals at one another to make a point. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. Great, now I'm gonna smell to high heaven like a tuna melt! I didn't mean who… I meant… her?

Are you aware of this? Coming soon. Indeed. That's so you can videotape it when they put you in a naked pyramid and point to your Charlie Browns. I was once called the worst audience participant Cirque du Soleil ever had. And THAT'S why you always leave a note. There's been a lot of lying in this family. And a lot of love! More lies. I was set up. By the Brits. A group of British builders operating outside the O.C. It was for me. I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette. I deceived you, mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.