Suddenly he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair. A million ****ing diamonds! What's up, fizz-ellas. Let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar.

How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free. Really? Did "nothing" cancel? Nellie is blowing them all AWAY.

Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. I was hoping he would be gifted sexually. George Bush doesn't care about black puppets. I deceived you, mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship. Heyyyyyy Uncle Father Oscar. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi.

You can control your bladder when you're dead! What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something? I made a huge tiny mistake. Daddy horny, Michael. So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already! With spicy club sauce.

You go buy a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. I think you'll be surprised at some of your phrasing. You're blowing my mind, Frank. She calls it a Mayonegg. You might enjoy this. Oh. Em. Gee. That's amazing. Butterscotch! Want a lick? She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways.

Daddy horny, Michael. I hear the jury's still out on science. Someone order 140 pounds of upper body strength? Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. I cheated and I lied and I whored around. Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. Yes, she happens to be more experienced than a normal girl, but sometimes love should be… terrifying. ♪♪ It ain't easy being white. It ain't easy being brown. ♪♪ Chickens don't clap! Yes, Annyong. Your name is Annyong! We all know you're Annyong! Daddy horny, Michael.

I cheated and I lied and I whored around. Daddy horny, Michael. They're not gonna strip, right? I told them not to, but I can't guarantee their instincts won't kick in. Her lawyers are claiming the seal is worth $250,000. And that's not even including Buster's Swatch. I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. And with deep, deep concentration and, and great focus, he's often able to achieve an erect– I know what an erection feels like, Michael. I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a… she's the belle of the ball!

Yeah, I invited her. You said you wanted to spend time some with her. You said I was being an Ann hog. With spicy club sauce.

Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. Michael: It's just Mom and whores. If that man's straight, then I am sober. You go buy a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. I think you'll be surprised at some of your phrasing. It's, like, Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool? Yeah, I don't have a husband. I call it Swing City.