Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. Douche chill! Chickens don't clap! He's a regular Freddie Wilson, that one. Make love in your *own* hand, Mother! Also, your knee is on my heart. There's a new daddy in town. A discipline daddy. The CIA should've just Googled for his hideout, evidently.

She tried pesto for the first time. Imagine that, 92 years old and she never tried pesto. Got a big ass room at the travelodge. What a fun, sexy time for you.

Actually, that was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana. Primo bud. Real sticky weed. Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. So Ann, the question is, do you want a man or a boy? I know how I would answer. I'm a complete failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper. Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead. What have we always said is the most important thing? Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi.

Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. Although George Michael had only got to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. Ah, it is a rock, though. Should beat everything. Gob: There's not a lot of logic to it.

I'll be in the hospital bar. You know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother. Well, this is why people hate hospitals. Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit? They want to break his legs. It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter. She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen. It's one banana Michael, what could it cost, ten dollars?

Heyyyy Uncle Father Oscar. I made a huge tiny mistake. I may have committed some light treason.

Yeah, I invited her. You said you wanted to spend time some with her. You said I was being an Ann hog. It's sort of like going from prime rib to… I don't know… weird brother of prime rib. How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? Do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.

I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide. Happy. You can always tell a Milford man. And THAT'S why you always leave a note. You were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.

Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. I'll sacrifice anything for my children. It's Sunday, but screw it — juice box time. How about a turtle? I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary, and we don't need anymore lawsuits. I [bleeped] the business model. Yeah, she had all kinds of orgasms. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. Ended up checking "albino" on the form. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce.

Teamocil. Ann certainly has a great deal of Mass. And the soup of the day is bread. Don't call my escorts whores. Why are you squeezing me with your body? It's as Ann as the nose on plain's face. Hey, if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay. We need a name. Maybe "Operation Hot Mother." No, let's try to top that. (They never did.)