Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. I was hoping he would be gifted sexually. What's gotten into you? Have you been eating cheese? Hahahahah!

Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold. I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a… she's the belle of the ball! Do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society. Go ahead, touch the cornballer. The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag. Gob: You didn't eat that, did you? Butterscotch! Want a lick? O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth?

I deceived you, mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship. Annyong. If you don't start pulling your weight around here its going to be shape up, or…ship up. Now, do you wanna steer, or are you too old to sit on your Pop's lap and drive? Go ahead, touch the cornballer. If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. [earlier] I don't care for Gob.

What about macaroni – let me finish – salad? It looks like you've been looking for dragons… in the future. Are you aware of this? Coming soon. Indeed. Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready. Ah, it is a rock, though. Should beat everything. Gob: There's not a lot of logic to it. I cheated and I lied and I whored around. If that man's straight, then I am sober. Who? i just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of ann.

You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent. [sniffs hand] Oh, God. I'm going to run this through again on "pots and pans." I run a pretty tight ship around here. With a pool table. No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough.

Let me take off my assistant's skirt and put on my Barbra-Streisand-in-The-Prince-of-Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. You don't want a hungry dove down your pants. Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. Look at us, crying like a bunch of girls on the last day of camp. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh. That's so you can videotape it when they put you in a naked pyramid and point to your Charlie Browns. Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we.

Yes, she happens to be more experienced than a normal girl, but sometimes love should be… terrifying. You stay on top of her, Buddy. Don't be afraid to ride her. Hard. I figured out a way to make money while I'm working! Ah coodle doodle doo, ah coodle doodle doo.

I've made a huge tiny mistake. So maybe you could start jete-ing, and stop je-terrorizing me! I'm not a prostitute. Then I shall let you live!

A-coodle-doodle-doo. A-coodle-doodle-doo. I'm foolish and I'm funny and I'm needy. Am I needy? Are you sure I'm not needy? 'Cause I feel needy sometimes. I'll be in the hospital bar. You know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother. Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

But anyhoo, can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? YOU'RE the Chiclet! Not me. Caw ca caw, caw ca caw, caw ca caw!