Talk you off what, Pop Pop? I was once called the worst audience participant Cirque du Soleil ever had. A million [bleep]ing diamonds! So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already! And that is why Jesus was often referred to as the King of Kings. Queens. The King of Queens. The CIA should've just Googled for his hideout, evidently. Fried cheese… with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp… with club sauce. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce.

She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Columbian or something. Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. You can always tell a Milford man.

You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on! You just made a fool out of yourself in front of T-Bone.

Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. Why are you squeezing me with your body? It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire. How do you know Steve Holt? Are you in AA? Heyyyyy, hermano. Look at us, crying like a couple of girls on the last day of camp. Happy Franklin Friday.

Speaking of settling, how's Ann? I may have committed some light treason. I should be in this Poof. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. Ended up checking "albino" on the form. I'll sacrifice anything for my children. What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose? They're not gonna strip, right? I told them not to, but I can't guarantee their instincts won't kick in.

The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. I don't want no part of yo' tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch! You might enjoy this. Oh. Em. Gee. That's amazing. When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you.

She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. Pound is tic-tac-toe right? I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a… she's the belle of the ball! I hear the jury's still out on science. George Michael, you want to put your head down there by his drainage shunt? I will be a bigger and hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh!

♪♪ It ain't easy being white… ♪♪ For the same reason you should believe a hundred dollar bill is no more than a hundred pennies! How do you know Steve Holt? Are you in AA? WHY was this show cancelled? I mean, COME ON. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh. Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. Let me out that Queen.

A night of heterosexual intercourse. Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.

In prison, you just have to close your eyes and take it, but here you have to close your eyes and give it. How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? I didn't mean who… I meant… her? I figured out a way to make money while I'm working! Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass! Steve Holt? The moron jock?