It's a wonderful restaurant! A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order. After all, why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed? You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably, my socks are wet.

Sweet old thing. Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. I [bleeped] the business model. Yeah, she had all kinds of orgasms. And the soup of the day is bread.

Oh please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends. The only person that gets Lucille this excited is Gene. So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already!

Daddy horny, Michael. Wine only turns to alcohol if you let it sit. How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? Yes, she happens to be more experienced than a normal girl, but sometimes love should be… terrifying. I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think. I'll be in the hospital bar. You know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother. Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead. Popcorn shrimp… with club sauce. You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol. You're Killing Me, Buster. I just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann. I believe you will find the dessert to be both engrossing and high-grossing! So we don't get dessert?

There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook. That was Tom Cruise, the actor. Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist. It's a jetpack, Michael. What could go wrong? Even it means me taking a chubby… I will suck it up. I am getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect. Taste the happy, Michael! Taste it!

You boys know how to shovel coal? But anyhoo, can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? It's a wonderful restaurant! Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold right here on this boardwalk than anywhere on the OC? No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are! Oh, yeah, the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in 3 months. Come on! You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.

If that man's straight, then I am sober. I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a…she's the belle of the ball! Wow, this is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken! ps This one really cracks me up for some reason.

Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. Yeah, I invited her. You said you wanted to spend time some with her. You said I was being an Ann hog. A million ****ing diamonds! It's so watery. And yet there's a smack of ham to it. Turns out he ended up getting too friendly with the teddy bear. Say something that will terrify me. Lindsay: F*** me. Tobias: No, that didn't do it.

Someone order 140 pounds of upper body strength? But I'm the oldest. The matriarch if you will. Way to plant, Ann! Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. God knows they're squinters. Taste the happy, Michael. Taste it. It tastes kind of like sad.