I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? It walked on my pillow! Up yours, granny! You couldn't handle it! Family Love Michael.

Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! They want to break his legs. It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter. I've made a huge tiny mistake. After all, why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed?

I'm not a prostitute. Michael: Then I shall let you live! How do you know Steve Holt? Are you in AA?

In prison, you just have to close your eyes and take it, but here you have to close your eyes and give it. She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something.

I was hoping he would be gifted sexually. Ann, you need to decide whether you want a man or a boy. I know how I'd answer. So maybe you could start jete-ing, and stop je-terrorizing me!

I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? YOU'RE the Chiclet! Not me. Caw ca caw, caw ca caw, caw ca caw! No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist. It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me. The Army had half a day.

I call it Tricks –- wait for it – Around The Office. Dead Dove DO NOT EAT. I deceived you, mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship. You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on! Talk you off what, Pop Pop? A group of British builders operating outside the O.C.

Why are you squeezing me with your body? It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. Look, you are playing adults…with fully formed libidos, not 2 young men playing grab-ass in the shower. Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita made in my mouth. Oh, like when they say "poofter" to mean "tourist", yes. Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?

I'm going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen. I am getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect. ♪♪ It ain't easy being white. It ain't easy being brown. ♪♪

When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually… When a man loves a woman… How about a turtle? I've always loved those leathery little snappy faces. I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona. Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold. He's going to be all right. Heyyyyyy, Uncle Father Oscar. I'll sacrifice anything for my children. Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons.