She tried pesto for the first time. Imagine that, 92 years old and she never tried pesto. Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it? When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. Actually, that was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana. Primo bud. Real sticky weed. Dad asked me to do this on the day he pleads not guilty, as a spectacular protest. A…. ? They want to break his legs. It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter. Heyyyyyy, Uncle Father Oscar.

Hola, is Rosa still alive? No? Well this is not my day. Yes, she happens to be more experienced than a normal girl, but sometimes love should be… terrifying. There are dozens of us! Dozens! Yeah, well, have you seen the new Mustang? You could hump that hood. Also, your knee is on my heart.

Hola, is Rosa still alive? No? Well this is not my day. Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. I'm not interested in you that way. Tobias: What way? Michael: Pick one. Oh…yeah…the guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! Daddy horny, Michael. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. Heart attack never stopped old Big Bear. I didn't even know we were calling him Big Bear. We never had the chance to.

It's a jetpack, Michael. What could go wrong? I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle.

Got a big ass room at the travelodge. What a fun, sexy time for you. NO TOUCHING! I call it Tricks –- wait for it – Around The Office.

Are you at all concerned about an uprising? Happy Franklin Friday.

I just haven't had sex in a month. You know, you've been here two months. It's hard to gauge time. She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Say goodbye to THESE! Let me out that Queen.

Can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? You want to have some guy reach around you in the middle of the night, start messing with your junk? I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts.

The Army had half a day. Annhog's coming? Monday morning. COME ON! Fun and failure both start out the same way. I'm afraid I'm with Michael on this one. The guy runs a prison, he can have any piece of ass he wants.

I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar. GENE!! [screams] Let me out that Queen. It's one banana Michael, what could it cost, ten dollars? Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse. A million ****ing diamonds! Michael, I'm your older brother. I'll never be proud of you. I hate the Wetlands. They're stupid and wet, and there are bugs everywhere, and I think I maced a crane.