Dad would stage elaborate situations using a one-armed man to teach us lessons. I deceived you, mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship. Yeah, well, have you seen the new Mustang? You could hump that hood. There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook. And don't make the water too hot. The scabs come right off.

WHY was this show cancelled? I mean, COME ON. My brother wasn't optimistic it could be done, but I didn't take "wasn't optimistic it could be done" for an answer. I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? There's a girl in my soup! Oh…yeah…the guy in the…the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag.

Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Columbian or something. Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul. They don't allow you to have bees in here.

What a fun, sexy time for you. Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold. These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. You stay on top of her Buddy. Don't be afraid to ride her. Hard.

Well, I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. Who? i just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of ann. It walked on my pillow! It was the first taste of alcohol Buster had since he was nursing. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. Ended up checking "albino" on the form. Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire. No borders, no limits… go ahead, touch the Cornballer… you know best?

Heart attack never stopped old big bear. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce. Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold! Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse. Oh, yeah, the guy in the the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! Operation Hot Mother. Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

Let me take off my assistant's skirt and put on my Barbra-Streisand-in-The-Prince-of-Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. We all need to pick a day to try and make trend. Turns out he ended up getting too friendly with the teddy bear. No, she's in it. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. Could it be love? I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. [earlier] I don't care for Gob.

Ah, it is a rock, though. Should beat everything. Gob: There's not a lot of logic to it. Buster, what are you doing with mother's rape-horn? Teamocil.

These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Oh, I don't have any drugs for sale, unless… did you want me to follow you to your car?

Go ahead, touch the Cornballer. There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town. Well, that certainly leaves me out. I figured out a way to make money while I'm working! It's, like, Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool? Yeah, I don't have a husband. I call it Swing City.