She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. Buster, what are you doing with mother's rape horn? You go buy a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. I think you'll be surprised at some of your phrasing. Way to plant, Ann! I deceived you, mom. Tricked makes it sound like we have a playful relationship. This is not me encouraging you to go here and write a review. No. The CIA should've just Googled for his hideout, evidently.

Well, I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. He… she… what's the difference? Oh hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same. I am going to my spin class. I thought you had vertigo. Suddenly he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair. Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. They're not gonna strip, right? I told them not to, but I can't guarantee their instincts won't kick in. Mom always taught us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted. I made a huge tiny mistake.

Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Well, yeah you've gotta lock that down. There are dozens of us! DOZENS! And THAT'S why you always leave a note. There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town. Well, that certainly leaves me out.

Speaking of settling, how's Ann? It's OUR nausea. I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? Are all the guys in here… you know? George Sr.: No, not all of them. Barry: Yeah. It's never the ones you hope. YOU'RE the Chiclet! Not me. Caw ca caw, caw ca caw, caw ca caw! Fried cheese… with club sauce. If that man's straight, then I am sober.

But where did the lighter fluid come from? Pound is tic-tac-toe, right? Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita made in my mouth. Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold! For the same reason you should believe a hundred dollar bill is no more than a hundred pennies!

Let me out that Queen. Let me take off my assistant's skirt and put on my Barbra-Streisand-in-The-Prince-of-Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. Her lawyers are claiming the seal is worth $250,000. And that's not even including Buster's Swatch.

Oh, yeah, the guy in the the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! I was hoping he would be gifted sexually. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. Michael, I'm your older brother. I'll never be proud of you. With spicy club sauce.

Tobias Fünke costume. It's OUR nausea. Yes, he's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz.

I hear the jury's still out on science. I'm gonna go get sexy. Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. It's just Mom and whores. He also said some things African American-y wasn't ready to hear. However, she mistook the drowsy eye alcohol warning for a winking eye alcohol suggestion. Say something that will terrify me. Lindsay: F*** me. Tobias: No, that didn't do it.

Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! NO TOUCHING! Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the T on it? That's a cross. Across from where? Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita made in my mouth. I'm going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen. Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit? Why are you squeezing me with your body?