Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth. We need a name. Maybe "Operation Hot Mother." No, let's try to top that. (They never did.) God knows they're squinters.

Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. Family Love Michael. Well, yeah you've gotta lock that down. We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook. In prison, you just have to close your eyes and take it, but here you have to close your eyes and give it. I think I might have someone who's going to circumvrent the law. Chickens don't clap! That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon. And this time, no tears.

You can control your bladder when you're dead! Fun and failure both start out the same way. Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass!

Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. Michael: It's just Mom and whores. I run a pretty tight ship around here. With a pool table. Operation Hot Mother.

There are dozens of us! Dozens! I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars? Oh…yeah…the guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! Quicken! Premiere! Taste the happy, Michael. Taste it. It tastes kind of like sad. Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse. I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a…she's the belle of the ball!

Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. Could it be love? I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite… like my heart is getting hard. You go buy a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. I think you'll be surprised at some of your phrasing. Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you.

Although George Michael had only got to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. I'm a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits. Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit?

And here you are coming out of your mother's third base! And here you are coming out of your mother's third base! The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. Look at us, crying like a bunch of girls on the last day of camp. The only person that gets Lucille this excited is Gene. And guess what else is back. [slow wink] My breakfast? My friskiness. Mama horny Michael. I think the only time you cooked for us was the morning Rosa's mom died. You gave us cereal in an ashtray.

Buster, what are you doing with mother's rape-horn? Don't ask "Can I"… ask "I Can!" This is not what it looks like. It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.

[sniffs hand] Oh, God. I'm going to run this through again on "pots and pans." That was Tom Cruise, the actor. They said he was some kind of scientist. I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar. So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary, and we don't need anymore lawsuits. Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold! Buster's in what we like to call a light to no coma. In laymans terms, it might be considered a very heavy nap.