Although George Michael had only got to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is.

Ah coodle doodle doo, ah coodle doodle doo. There are dozens of us! DOZENS! Yeah, like anyone would want to R her. A-coodle-doodle-doo. A-coodle-doodle-doo. Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine.

Heart attack never stopped old big bear! How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? Well, obviously, I'm not a big guy. I'm not a Carl Weathers, par example. You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol. Yeah, like I'm going to spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit? Come on!

But where did the lighter fluid come from? They're not gonna strip, right? I told them not to, but I can't guarantee their instincts won't kick in. Yeah, like anyone would want to R her. This is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken!

There's been a lot of lying in this family. And a lot of love! More lies. When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually… When a man loves a woman… Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free. Really? Did "nothing" cancel? Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. That's my son, you pothead! If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't. It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest? I'll never forget your wedding.

Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little sugar.

Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. It's just Mom and whores. And the soup of the day is bread. Also, your knee is on my heart. She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it? I'M A MONSTER!!

I'll have a vodka rocks. (Mom, it's breakfast time.) And a piece of toast. Yeah, I invited her. You said you wanted to spend time some with her. You said I was being an Ann hog.

Friend of mine from college. He also has a boat tho not called the Seaward. We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook.

The Army had half a day. Yeah, like I'm going to spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit? Come on! Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of interoffice [bleep] or [bleep] or finger[bleep] or [bleep]sting or [bleep] or even [bleep]. A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order. What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something?