Although George Michael had only got to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. A million [bleep]ing diamonds!

¡Soy loco por los Cornballs! It looks like you've been looking for dragons… in the future. Michael was concerned that he was caught in a lie about his family. The family was concerned that they were being confronted by a woman they had clubbed, drugged, and left on a bench. God knows they're squinters.

I don't criticize you! And if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Heart attack never stopped old big bear. I may have committed some light treason. A trick is something a whore does for money… or cocaine. Well, Michael, I did not find their buffoonery amusing. So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary and we don't need anymore lawsuits. Michael, look, this has got to stop. I mean, flattered? Yes. Interested? Not tonight.

Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. You said spanking. I made a huge tiny mistake. I've been in the film business for a while but I just cant seem to get one in the can. No one's called him Baby Buster since high school. If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. I don't care for Gob. "Circumvent." It means "to go around." Gob: The old "reach around."

The Army had half a day. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you. Yeah, like I'm going to spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit? Come on!

You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent. Ah coodle doodle doo, ah coodle doodle doo. Hey, look at that – you're mean sober, too. Speaking of settling, How's Ann? One of the guys told me to take my head out of my BOTTOM and get back to work…my BOTTOM! Hahahaha. Chickens don't clap!

That coat costs more than your house! Heyyyy uncle father Oscar. You can always tell a Milford man. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh. Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass.

I'm sure Egg is a great person. A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order. If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't.

Also, your knee is on my heart. You need to do more with Rita. Believe me, I'd like to. That coat costs more than your house! I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think.

There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook. Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster.