Te quiero. English, please. I love you! Great, now I'm late. I'm not a prostitute. Then I shall let you live! Touché, Pandora. I'm going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen.

She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. Please refrain from Mayoneggs during this salmonella scare. Annhog's coming? Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita made in my mouth. Sweet old thing. Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well, then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT!

I know, I just call her Annabelle cause she's shaped like a… she's the belle of the ball! You're losing blood, aren't you? Gob: Probably, my socks are wet. Yo quiero leche. Yo quiero leche de madre. I run a pretty tight ship around here. With a pool table.

Talk you off what, Pop Pop? Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit? If mother sees this, she will blow a cow. For the same reason you should believe a hundred dollar bill is no more than a hundred pennies! It's OUR nausea. Look at us, crying like a couple of girls on the last day of camp. Let me out that Queen. Let's see some bananas and nuts!

The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. Friday night. She calls it a Mayonegg.

And here you are coming out of your mother's third base! Perhaps an attic shall I seek.

It was for me. I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette. Michael, I'm your older brother. I'll never be proud of you. There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook. First I blow him, then I poke him. I just haven't had sex in a month. You know, you've been here two months. It's hard to gauge time. Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. Could it be love? I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite… like my heart is getting hard. Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development. (Hey. That's the name of the show!)

See for more good stuff. Heyyyy Uncle Father Oscar. What, so the guy we are meeting with can't even grow his own hair? COME ON! See for more good stuff. Say something that will terrify me. Lindsay: F*** me. Tobias: No, that didn't do it. If I look like a man who made love to his wife last night – it's because I almost did.

Talk you off what, Pop Pop? You want to have some guy reach around you in the middle of the night, start messing with your junk?

If mother sees this, she will blow a cow. It's sort of like going from prime rib to… I don't know… weird brother of prime rib. Hola, is Rosa still alive? No? Well this is not my day. If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can re-snare my mate. What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose? Sister's my new mother, Mother. And is it just me or is she looking hotter? Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster.