When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually… When a man loves a woman… With spicy club sauce. It's sort of like going from prime rib to… I don't know… weird brother of prime rib. Michael, I'm your older brother. I'll never be proud of you. Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.

George Michael, you want to put your head down there by his drainage shunt? This objectification of women has to stop. It's just Mom and whores. Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold! I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. It's a jetpack, Michael. What could go wrong? GENE!! [screams] Although George Michael had only got to second base, he'd gone in head first, like Pete Rose. That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon. And this time, no tears.

Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead. George Michael, you want to put your head down there by his drainage shunt? We'll have to find something to do so that people can look at you without wanting to kill themselves. He's going to be all right.

I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, so now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Are all the guys in here… you know? George Sr.: No, not all of them. Barry: Yeah. It's never the ones you hope. I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think. How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? You want to have some guy reach around you in the middle of the night, start messing with your junk?

Yeah, like anyone would want to R her. I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run..so now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. A trick is something a whore does for money… or cocaine. I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so… onward and upward. On… Why, Tracy?! Why?!! I'm not a prostitute. Michael: Then I shall let you live! O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Heyyyy Uncle Father Oscar. I call it Tricks –- wait for it – Around The Office.

Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul. Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well, then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! No, she's in it. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. Hey, maybe you could pop a tent outside with your cousin Maeby… it'd be a good chance to rub off on her. But anyhoo, can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita made in my mouth. I cheated and I lied and I whored around. Absolutely. And we're going to be here every day. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest.

I just don't want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann. That's my son, you pothead! Mister gay is bleeding! Mister gay! You don't want a hungry dove down your pants. What's up, fizz-ellas. Dead Dove DO NOT EAT. It's as Ann as the nose on plain's face. I was hoping he would be gifted sexually.

I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. Perhaps an attic shall I seek. Why are you squeezing me with your body? It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. For the same reason you should believe a hundred dollar bill is no more than a hundred pennies! Let me out that Queen. Buster's in what we like to call a light to no coma. In layman's terms, it might be considered a very heavy nap. I've been in the film business for a while but I just cant seem to get one in the can.

What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose? Someone order 140 pounds of upper body strength? Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it? Also, your knee is on my heart. If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't.

Of course. The "Bob Loblaw Law Blog." Wow. You, sir, are a mouthful! No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are! George Michael may be suffering from what we in the soft-sciences call Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or the "OC Disorder." Ah coodle doodle doo, ah coodle doodle doo. So Ann, the question is, do you want a man or a boy? I know how I would answer. Daddy horny, Michael. Happy Franklin Friday.