Heyyyyyy Uncle Father Oscar. It walked on my pillow! Hey, it was one night of wild passion! Michael: And yet you didn't notice her body? Gob: I like to look in the mirror. No, I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you.

A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you. If that man's straight, then I am sober. Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. A flower in my garden, a mystery in my panties.

I'm not a prostitute. Michael: Then I shall let you live! Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! I should be in this Poof. Great, now I'm gonna smell to high heaven like a tuna melt! You're blowing my mind, Frank. Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold right here on this boardwalk than anywhere on the OC? Got a big ass room at the travelodge. What a fun, sexy time for you.

No one's called him Baby Buster since high school. So, what do you say? We got a basket full of father-son fun here. What's Kama Sutra oil? Maybe it's not for us. Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development. (Hey. That's the name of the show!) I'm foolish and I'm funny and I'm needy. Am I needy? Are you sure I'm not needy? 'Cause I feel needy sometimes. Never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup…baby, I got a stew goin'. Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so… onward and upward. On… Why, Tracy?! Why?!!

I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. You can control your bladder when you're dead! Teamocil. I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. [sniffs hand] Oh, God. I'm going to run this through again on "pots and pans."

Yeah, well, have you seen the new Mustang? You could hump that hood. I hear the jury's still out on science.

Probably out there without a flipper, swimming around in a circle, freaking out his whole family. Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times.

There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook. I hear the jury's still out on science. There are dozens of us! Dozens! Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. Michael: It's just Mom and whores. Well excuse me for liking the way they frame my junk! I'm sure Egg is a great person. I think I might have someone who's going to circumvrent the law. You don't want a hungry dove down your pants.

I'm not interested in you that way. Tobias: What way? Michael: Pick one. The CIA should've just Googled for his hideout, evidently. Don't ask "Can I"… ask "I Can!" Hey, if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay.

You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent. In fact, it was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana. Primo bud. Real sticky weed. There are dozens of us! Dozens! If you don't start pulling your weight around here its going to be shape up, or…ship up. I believe you will find the dessert to be both engrossing and high-grossing! So we don't get dessert?