Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Columbian or something. Turn this skiff around! Why are you squeezing me with your body? What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something? What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose? What's up, fizz-ellas. Daddy horny, Michael.

Sweet old thing. Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. Oh, yeah. The guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. COME ON! I made a huge tiny mistake. It's, like, Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool? Yeah, I don't have a husband. I call it Swing City. Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it? A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order. Excuse me while I circumvent you. The old reach-around.

The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call… Hey campers! In fact, it was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana. Primo bud. Real sticky weed. I didn't mean who… I meant… her?

I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. Don't worry, these young beauties have been nowhere near the bananas. Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready. After all, why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed? Absolutely. And we're going to be here every day. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. Well, if you want to play Eve, you got to get in line behind what, above five homos. It's Sunday, but screw it — juice box time. Even though so many people in this office are begging for it.

But anyhoo, can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? If I look like a man who made love to his wife last night – it's because I almost did. So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary, and we don't need anymore lawsuits. Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. COME ON. Are you aware of this? Coming soon. Indeed.

He… she… what's the difference? Oh hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same. Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest? I'll never forget your wedding. You're a good guy, mon frere. That means brother in French. I don't know how I know that. I took four years of Spanish. Probably out there without a flipper, swimming around in a circle, freaking out his whole family. I will be a bigger and hairier mole than the one on your inner left thigh!

I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle. Are you at all concerned about an uprising?

Yes, she happens to be more experienced than a normal girl, but sometimes love should be… terrifying. Tobias Fünke costume. Turn this skiff around! Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse. Talk you off what, Pop Pop?

Annyong. A million [bleep]ing diamonds! I'm foolish and I'm funny and I'm needy. Am I needy? Are you sure I'm not needy? 'Cause I feel needy sometimes. [sniffs hand] Oh, God. I'm going to run this through again on "pots and pans." The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call… Hey campers! Oh please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.

So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary and we don't need anymore lawsuits. He also said some things African American-y wasn't ready to hear. And the soup of the day is bread. NO TOUCHING! How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so… onward and upward. On… Why, Tracy?! Why?!!