I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture. I'm afraid I'm with Michael on this one. The guy runs a prison, he can have any piece of ass he wants.

If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't. Look at us, crying like a couple of girls on the last day of camp. There's a girl in my soup!

It's a jetpack, Michael. What could go wrong? I was once called the worst audience participant Cirque du Soleil ever had. I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar. Today I learned this is a real place, tho more lush than the OC. O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.

That's so you can videotape it when they put you in a naked pyramid and point to your Charlie Browns. Yeah, like anyone would want to R her.

And I am rock steady. No more dizzies. After all, why should you go to jail for a crime somebody else noticed?

Let me take off my assistant's skirt and put on my Barbra-Streisand-in-The-Prince-of-Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. Well, yeah you've gotta lock that down. Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. Hola, is Rosa still alive? No? Well this is not my day. I guess you can say I'm buy-curious. Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it?

If you don't start pulling your weight around here its going to be shape up, or…ship up. The only person that gets Lucille this excited is Gene. I guess you can say I'm buy-curious. With spicy club sauce. I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest.

She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen. I believe you will find the dessert to be both engrossing and high-grossing! So we don't get dessert?

You want your belt to buckle, not your chair. Go ahead, touch the cornballer. In prison, you just have to close your eyes and take it, but here you have to close your eyes and give it. Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready. No, Pop-pop does not get a treat. I just bought you a f**king pizza.

Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. Oh…yeah…the guy in the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! Gosh Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. Michael, you are not quite the ladies man I had pictured. Hopefully, we will remedy that when we are in the spa spreading body chocolate on each other. I know what an erection feels like, Michael. Go ahead, touch the Cornballer. Buster, what are you doing with mother's rape-horn?