Pound is tic-tac-toe, right? You boys know how to shovel coal? Tobias Fünke costume. Taste the happy, Michael! Taste it!

I'm going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen. So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already! I don't want no part of yo tight-ass country-club, ya freak bitch! Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it? I may have committed some light treason.

I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so… onward and upward. On… Why, Tracy?! Why?!! Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold right here on this boardwalk than anywhere on the OC? If I look like a man who made love to his wife last night – it's because I almost did. Dead Dove DO NOT EAT. Also, your knee is on my heart. I don't want no part of yo tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch! I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? No, Pop-pop does not get a treat. I just bought you a f**king pizza.

♪♪ Somewhere… over the rainbow… there's another rainbow… ♪♪ Even though so many people in this office are begging for it.

Sweet old thing. Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. Mom always taught us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted.

These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. But I did finally get into Dad's pants. Although I had to have the crotch taken in a little bit. That coat costs more than your house! There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town. Well, that certainly leaves me out.

And THAT'S why you always leave a note. She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. Coo coo ca chaw. Coo coo ca chaw. Coo coo ca chaw. We need a name. Maybe "Operation Hot Mother." No, let's try to top that. (They never did.) Hey, look at that – you're mean sober, too.

Friday night. I'm sure, wherever your father is, she loves you very much. Great, now I'm gonna smell to high heaven like a tuna melt!

Or it could be your colon. I'd want to get in there and find some answers. A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you. How do you know Steve Holt? Are you in AA? Why are you squeezing me with your body? It was the first taste of alcohol Buster had since he was nursing.

What a fun, sexy time for you. They don't appreciate him. It's his glasses… they make him look like a lizard. Plus he's self-conscious. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce.