The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. Are all the guys in here… you know? George Sr: No not all of them. Barry: Yeah. It's never the ones you hope. Well, I hope you also carry a spare bowl of candy beans. He… she… what's the difference? Oh hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same. I am getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect. Never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup…baby, I got a stew goin'. You boys know how to shovel coal?

She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Wisdom? When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually… When a man loves a woman… Even though sooooo many people in this office are begging for it. Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead.

There are dozens of us! Dozens! Oh, yeah, the guy in the the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for a guy who doesn't make that in three months. Come on! Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. I'm a complete failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper. Look at us, crying like a couple of girls on the last day of camp. Wow, this is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken! ps This one really cracks me up for some reason. I know what an erection feels like, Michael.

I don't appreciate the dry British humor. A lady of the evening. Working girl. She turns illusions for money. No, she's in it. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. Shémale. I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.

Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. Can't a guy call his mother pretty without it seeming strange? Amen. And how about that little piece of tail on her? Cute! When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. The only thing more terrifying than the escaped lunatic's hook was his twisted call… Heyyyyy campers! Could it be love? I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough. When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman..

I am getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect. I got Michael out of his marriage, didn't I? Actually, she died. He's going to be all right. And guess what else is back. [slow wink] My breakfast? My friskiness. Mama horny Michael. You burn down the storage unit? Oh, most definitely. I'M A MONSTER!!

Tobias Fünke costume. It's ok. You be with Yam. What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'm a monster!! I've used one adjective to describe myself. What is it? Don't call my escorts whores. She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. No, I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being WITH you. Family Love Michael.

It seems like only yesterday you were bursting forth from your mother's fertile womb. Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. Teamocil. I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run..so now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Friend of mine from college. He also has a boat tho not called the Seaward. You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent. Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook.

I run a pretty tight ship around here. With a pool table. These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't.

What about macaroni – let me finish – salad? This is not what it looks like. It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence. Chaw-chee, chaw-chee chaw-chee! Coo coo ca cha! Ah coodle doodle do Caw ca caw, caw ca caw.