First I blow him, then I poke him. Never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup…baby, I got a stew goin'.

A million ****ing diamonds! And guess what else is back. [slow wink] My breakfast? My friskiness. Mama horny Michael. She calls it a Mayonegg.

Coo coo ca chaw. Coo coo ca chaw. You burn down the storage unit? Oh, most definitely. Chickens don't clap! I guess you can say I'm buy-curious. Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire. We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook. Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it?

If I make this comeback, I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive! I'm a complete failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper. I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think.

However, she mistook the drowsy eye alcohol warning for a winking eye alcohol suggestion. Please refrain from Mayoneggs during this salmonella scare. I'll have a vodka rocks. (Mom, it's breakfast time.) And a piece of toast.

Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. You said spanking. And I am rock steady. No more dizzies. Suddenly he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair.

Ah coodle doodle doo, ah coodle doodle doo. Smack of ham. What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something? See for more good stuff. I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar. It's sort of like going from prime rib to… I don't know… weird brother of prime rib.

No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough. I cheated and I lied and I whored around.

In prison, you just have to close your eyes and take it, but here you have to close your eyes and give it. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter. I think that's one of Mom's little fibs, you know, like I'll sacrifice anything for my children. They're not gonna strip, right? I told them not to, but I can't guarantee their instincts won't kick in. Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. They don't allow you to have bees in here.

Oh Gob, you could charm the black off a telegram boy. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear. And that is why Jesus was often referred to as the King of Kings. Queens. The King of Queens. Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. You said spanking. Are you sure this isn't her sister? Mrs Veal: What a lovely thing to say. Michael: That's an awful thing to say.