I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it. You'd do that to your own brother? I said "cot." Oh, like when they say "poofter" to mean "tourist", yes. Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready. So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already! It's as Ann as the nose on Plain's face. The Man Inside Me seems well reviewed. You can always tell a Milford man.

No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough. I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead. You need to do more with Rita. Believe me, I'd like to. Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways.

Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending time with what's left of your uncle. What have we always said is the most important thing? You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.

Well, Michael, I did not find their buffoonery amusing. It feels good to be back in a queen! I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. I am getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect.

Actually, that was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana. Primo bud. Real sticky weed. The only person that gets Lucille this excited is Gene. Speaking of settling, How's Ann?

However, she mistook the drowsy eye alcohol warning for a winking eye alcohol suggestion. She calls it a Mayonegg. That was Tom Cruise, the actor. Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist.

If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear. Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. You just made a fool out of yourself in front of T-Bone. Fun and failure both start out the same way.

Annyong. You go buy a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. I think you'll be surprised at some of your phrasing.

Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well, then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming.

You're Killing Me, Buster. She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen. I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it. You'd do that to your own brother? I said "cot." They don't allow you to have bees in here. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter. I just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann. I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think.