You can always tell a Milford man. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. Oh, I don't have any drugs for sale, unless… did you want me to follow you to your car? When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass! I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture. Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. It's just Mom and whores. I'm a complete failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper.

The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. I think the only time you cooked for us was the morning Rosa's mom died. You gave us cereal in an ashtray. George Bush doesn't care about black puppets. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. Heart attack never stopped old big bear! I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide.

O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut.

Shémale. Don't worry, these young beauties have been nowhere near the bananas. I don't care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest. Hola, is Rosa still alive? No? Well this is not my day.

I'm not a prostitute. Michael: Then I shall let you live! Oh, like when they say "poofter" to mean "tourist", yes. NO TOUCHING! I've been in the film business for a while but I just cant seem to get one in the can. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear. Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. COME ON. Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle.

Wine only turns to alcohol if you let it sit. First I blow him, then I poke him.

A trick is something a whore does for money…or candy. … or cocaine. What about macaroni – let me finish – salad? I [bleeped] the business model. Yeah, she had all kinds of orgasms. Michael, you are not quite the ladies man I had pictured. Hopefully, we will remedy that when we are in the spa spreading body chocolate on each other. Buster's in what we like to call a light to no coma. In layman's terms, it might be considered a very heavy nap. But where did the lighter fluid come from? I know what an erection feels like, Michael.

The Army had half a day. I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona. When a man needs to prove to a woman that he's actually… When a man loves a woman… There's a new daddy in town. A discipline daddy. She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome.

I guess you can say I'm buy-curious. Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free. Really? Did "nothing" cancel? I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think. [climbing under trampoline] This shall keep me safe from the hot Mexican sun. Saw this on the highway and almost blue myself. Hop on? So you take your mom to work every day? Bummer. Moms are such a pain in the ass, huh? It's, like, die already!

She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Columbian or something. You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own hair? Come on! I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive! No, Pop-pop does not get a treat. I just bought you a f**king pizza. Daddy horny, Michael.