Don't leave your Uncle T-bag hanging. A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you. No, I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. Hey, Dad. Look at you. You're a year older…and a year closer to death. Buster: Oh yeah, I guess that's kind of funny.

I think the only time you cooked for us was the morning Rosa's mom died. You gave us cereal in an ashtray. WHY was this show cancelled? I mean, COME ON. Daddy horny, Michael.

Aren't you the sweetest thing, spending time with what's left of your uncle. Can't a guy call his mother pretty without it seeming strange? Amen. And how about that little piece of tail on her? Cute! What about macaroni – let me finish – salad?

Mister gay is bleeding! Mister gay! Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. So did you see the new Poof? His name's Gary, and we don't need anymore lawsuits. George Michael, you want to put your head down there by his drainage shunt? I am having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich. Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we.

It's ok. You be with Yam. Michael, look, this has got to stop. I mean, flattered? Yes. Interested? Not tonight. Sweet old thing. Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me. I don't want no part of yo' tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch! I'm going to buy you the single healthiest call girl this town has ever seen. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear.

I call it Tricks –- wait for it – Around The Office. Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb. I'M A MONSTER!! She calls it a Mayonegg.

No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can't emphasize that enough. You stay on top of her, Buddy. Don't be afraid to ride her. Hard. It's OUR nausea.

I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. Well, they got the Asian right… "hotties" might be a stretch. I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run..so now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. Who? i just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of ann. They don't appreciate him. It's his glasses… they make him look like a lizard. Plus he's self-conscious. Go ahead, touch the Cornballer. I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream you'll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block! ♪♪ It ain't easy being white… ♪♪

You want to have some guy reach around you in the middle of the night, start messing with your junk? What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'm a monster!!

Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development. (Hey. That's the name of the show!) It's as Ann as the nose on Plain's face. Smack of ham. What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something? Can you believe that the only reason the club is going under is because it's in a terrifying neighborhood? You were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.