Annhog's coming? You just made a fool out of yourself in front of T-Bone. I'm gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? Buster, what are you doing with mother's rape-horn?

Or it could be your colon. I'd want to get in there and find some answers. If I make this comeback, I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive! He's a regular Freddie Wilson, that one. A lady of the evening. Working girl. She turns illusions for money.

Hey, if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay. Let me take off my assistant's skirt and put on my Barbra-Streisand-in-The-Prince-of-Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. Say something that will terrify me. Lindsay: F*** me. Tobias: No, that didn't do it. Buster's in what we like to call a light to no coma. In laymans terms, it might be considered a very heavy nap. ♪♪ It ain't easy being white… ♪♪

If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't. Please refrain from Mayoneggs during this salmonella scare. It's as Ann as the nose on plain's face. Well, OK, have sex with this girl. Right now. Get in there, have some sex with her. The Man Inside Me seems well reviewed. He's going to be all right. The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON.

When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. And that is why Jesus was often referred to as the King of Kings. Queens. The King of Queens. They don't appreciate him. It's his glasses… they make him look like a lizard. Plus he's self-conscious. Oh please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.

Well, I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development. (Hey. That's the name of the show!) Turn this skiff around! Oh Gob, you could charm the black off a telegram boy.

Suddenly playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit? I should be in this Poof. ¡Soy loco por los Cornballs! ♪♪ And the thought of rubbin' you is getting so exciting. Sky rockets in flight! Afternoon delight! ♪♪ Either I zip down, or he zips up, and that is a mighty long zipper on Mother's Cher jumpsuit.

She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. OH MY GOD, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE… sale. Oh, the burning! ♪♪ Amaaaaaaziiiing Graaaace ♪♪ How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? I figured out a way to make money while I'm working! The Army had half a day. Let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar. But I'm the oldest. The matriarch if you will. If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally. I don't care for Gob.

Talk you off what, Pop Pop? Chickens don't clap!

What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose? It's a jetpack, Michael. What could possibly go wrong? It was for me. I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette. Go ahead, touch the cornballer. Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you. How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? A Colombian cartel that WON'T kidnap and kill you.