I figured out a way to make money while I'm working! Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Wait. Are you telling me you have a multi-stage trick with hidden identities? Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well, then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT!

Heyyyyyy, Uncle Father Oscar. You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably, my socks are wet. Let me out that Queen. If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn't. No, she's in it. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. Today I learned this is a real place, tho more lush than the OC. I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture. What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'm a monster!!

O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Family Love Michael. Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free. Really? Did "nothing" cancel? Get rid of the Seaward. Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready. Pound is tic-tac-toe, right? Yes, Annyong. Your name is Annyong! We all know you're Annyong!

Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb. That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon. And this time, no tears. I'll have a vodka rocks. (Mom, it's breakfast time.) And a piece of toast. And the soup of the day is bread. I figured out a way to make money while I'm working! It's so watery. And yet there's a smack of ham to it.

Teamocil. Nellie is blowing them all AWAY. Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. We need a name. Maybe "Operation Hot Mother." No, let's try to top that. (They never did.) Fun and failure both start out the same way. Turns out he ended up getting too friendly with the teddy bear.

If I make this comeback, I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive! So, what do you say? We got a basket full of father-son fun here. What's Kama Sutra oil? Maybe it's not for us. YOU'RE the Chiclet! Not me. Caw ca caw, caw ca caw, caw ca caw! I'm not a prostitute. Michael: Then I shall let you live! I don't want no part of yo' tight-ass country club, ya freak bitch! Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming.

Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold! Michael, I'm your older brother. I'll never be proud of you. You burn down the storage unit? Oh, most definitely. Yo quiero leche. Yo quiero leche de madre. I just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann. Teamocil. They want to break his legs. It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter. GENE!! [screams]

YOU'RE the Chiclet! Not me. Caw ca caw, caw ca caw, caw ca caw! How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? Here he comes. Here comes John Wayne. If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can re-snare my mate.

What a fun, sexy time for you. Suddenly he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair.

I didn't mean who… I meant… her? Yeah, like anyone would want to R her. There are dozens of us! DOZENS! Coo coo ca chaw. Coo coo ca chaw. Coo coo ca chaw. I know what an erection feels like, Michael.