Even though sooooo many people in this office are begging for it. God knows they're squinters. Look at us, crying like a couple of girls on the last day of camp. It's so watery. And yet there's a smack of ham to it. I never thought I'd miss a hand so much!

She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is. No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are! There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town. Well, that certainly leaves me out. Of course. The "Bob Loblaw Law Blog." Wow. You, sir, are a mouthful! [Stabbing Gob] White power! Gob: I'm white!

In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music band with Lindsay and Maebe which he called Dr. Funke's 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Food Life Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acqusition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: We keep you alive. This objectification of women has to stop. It's just Mom and whores. I'm a complete failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper. Don't call my escorts whores. I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. I just dont want him to point out my cracker ass in front of Ann. Te quiero. English, please. I love you! Great, now I'm late.

I cheated and I lied and I whored around. I need a tea to give my dingle less tingle. Te quiero. English, please. I love you! Great, now I'm late. You stay on top of her, Buddy. Don't be afraid to ride her. Hard. I run a pretty tight ship around here. With a pool table. Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development. (Hey. That's the name of the show!)

Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. She calls it a Mayonegg. Why are you squeezing me with your body? It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. What do you think about Sudden Valley? It sounds like a salad dressing, but for some reason I don't want to eat it. If I make this comeback, I'll buy you a hundred George Michaels that you can teach to drive!

Fried cheese… with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp… with club sauce. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce. She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB. With spicy club sauce. If mother sees this, she will blow a cow.

Well, they got the Asian right… "hotties" might be a stretch. She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen. Chaw-chee, chaw-chee chaw-chee! Coo coo ca cha! Ah coodle doodle do Caw ca caw, caw ca caw.

I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite. It's like my heart is getting hard. Those are balls. Let's see some bananas and nuts! Well excuse me, Judge Reinhold. Turn this skiff around! Look at us, crying like a couple of girls on the last day of camp.

Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist. Quicken! Premiere! She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen. I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.

I hear the jury's still out on science. You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably, my socks are wet. Hair up, glasses off.