She's not 'that Mexican', Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. COME ON. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair. I want to cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture. Oh, like when they say "poofter" to mean "tourist", yes.

Talk you off what, Pop Pop? Turn this skiff around! You were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.

Say something that will terrify me. Lindsay: F*** me. Tobias: No, that didn't do it. I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run..so now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear. I see you've wasted no time in filling my seat hole. And THAT'S why you always leave a note. Michael was concerned that he was caught in a lie about his family. The family was concerned that they were being confronted by a woman they had clubbed, drugged, and left on a bench.

Look what the homosexuals have done to me! You can't just comb that out and reset it? She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. Ended up checking "albino" on the form. It's as Ann as the nose on Plain's face. Daddy horny, Michael.

Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. When a.. man.. needs to prove to a woman that he's actually.. [pause].. When a man loves a woman.. With spicy club sauce. Go ahead, touch the cornballer. A-coodle-doodle-doo. A-coodle-doodle-doo. Never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup…baby, I got a stew goin'. There are dozens of us! Dozens!

I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so… onward and upward. On… Why, Tracy?! Why?!! Mission Accomplished. You burn down the storage unit? Oh, most definitely. And that is why Jesus was often referred to as the King of Kings. Queens. The King of Queens. Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita made in my mouth.

Suddenly he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair. I didn't mean who… I meant… her? I'm in Vegas this week and would like to point out the Blue Man Group is *actually* hiring. The support group? Well, they got the Asian right… "hotties" might be a stretch. And here you are coming out of your mother's third base! What a fun, sexy time for you.

You don't want a hungry dove down your pants. Hey, it was one night of wild passion! And yet you didn't notice her body? I like to look in the mirror. No borders, no limits… go ahead, touch the Cornballer… you know best? I'M A MONSTER!! We need a name. Maybe 'Operation Hot Mother'. Dad asked me to do this on the day he pleads not guilty, as a spectacular protest. A…. ? If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little sugar.

That's the first time we were in the shower since our honeymoon. And this time, no tears. Someone order 140 pounds of upper body strength? Waiting for the Emmys. BTW did you know won 6 Emmys and was still canceled early by Fox? COME ON. I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think.

You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably, my socks are wet. A million [bleep]ing diamonds! I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts. How could I say no to the woman who gave me chlamydia? Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not - NOT wag our genitals at one another to make a point. Never once touched my per diem. I'd go to Craft Service, get some raw veggies, bacon, Cup-A-Soup…baby, I got a stew goin'. Heart attack never stopped old big bear! You're losing blood, aren't you? Probably, my socks are wet.