Why are you squeezing me with your body? It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul. Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass! Probably out there without a flipper, swimming around in a circle, freaking out his whole family. Smack of ham. What is she doing at a beauty pageant? Is she running the lights or something?

Let me take off my assistant's skirt and put on my Barbra-Streisand-in-The-Prince-of-Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little sugar. It's a jetpack, Michael. What could possibly go wrong? I'm in Vegas this week and would like to point out the Blue Man Group is *actually* hiring. The support group?

Stop licking my hand, you horse's ass. Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts in my mouth. She's not that Mexican, Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Columbian or something. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest? Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul. I'm sure, wherever your father is, she loves you very much. Probably out there without a flipper, swimming around in a circle, freaking out his whole family.

Did Ted make an appointment? No. Well, then Ted can GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS OFFICE! YOU GET THE HELL OUT! I got Michael out of his marriage, didn't I? Actually, she died. Heyyyyy, hermano. You don't want a hungry dove down your pants. And the soup of the day is bread. No, she's in it. She's a contestant. It's sorta like an inner beauty pageant. Ah, there it is.

Don't worry, these young beauties have been nowhere near the bananas. You are a worse psychiatrist than you are a son-in-law and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent. Yeah, well, have you seen the new Mustang? You could hump that hood. Don't worry, these young beauties have been nowhere near the bananas. Don't ask "Can I"… ask "I Can!" Wine only turns to alcohol if you let it sit.

And the soup of the day is bread. What's up, fizz-ellas. Second-of-ly, I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead. Turn this skiff around! We'll have to find something to do so that people can look at you without wanting to kill themselves. How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? Chaw-chee, chaw-chee chaw-chee! Coo coo ca cha! Ah coodle doodle do Caw ca caw, caw ca caw.

These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Heart attack never stopped old Big Bear. I didn't even know we were calling him Big Bear. We never had the chance to. Today I learned this is a real place, tho more lush than the OC. You're losing blood, aren't you? Gob: Probably, my socks are wet. Mom… after all these years, God's not going to take a call from you.

Mission Accomplished. She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything. Yeah. Mom's awesome. Mr. Zuckerkorn, you've been warned about touching. You said spanking. I could use a leather jacket for when I'm on my hog and have to go into a controlled slide. Ohhh little guy. The tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming. What do you think about Sudden Valley? It sounds like a salad dressing, but for some reason I don't want to eat it.

You can control your bladder when you're dead! You're blowing my mind, Frank.

Uncle Gob… was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant? Yeah, sure, dozens of times. But where did the lighter fluid come from? Do you have any idea how often you say the word afraid? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. She keeps saying that God is going to show me a sign. The… something of my ways. Wisdom? We need a name. Maybe "Operation Hot Mother." No, let's try to top that. (They never did.) She calls it a mayonegg. [sniffs hand] Oh, God. I'm going to run this through again on "pots and pans."